How to Communicate with Your Partner & End the Roller Coaster Ride


If you feel like you both speak a different language, it is probably not a lack of communication but knowing how to communicate with your spouse.

Do you remember when you first got together and would spend countless hours talking about anything from the weather to the best memories of your life? Then, you got married. All of a sudden, it feels like you started talking two different languages. You know why? Because you do. If you wonder how to communicate with your spouse, communication might not be your problem.

How to communicate with your spouse in 8 different ways

Communication is exchanging or imparting news or information. Sometimes it isn’t that you don’t understand one another, it is you ceased to listen. Guys and girls communicate in many different ways.

Most women speak on an emotional level, while guys are more analytical. Learning to be on the same wavelength might mean you decide what to communicate to each other and stop reading too much into words or adding your own interpretation.

#1 Stop the negativity. I know that you feel it, we all can. When your relationship starts to hit a lull, it enters into negative territory. When that happens, most of what you say and hear sounds more negative than positive. That is the operative word—sounds.

A downward spiral is difficult to stop because it changes the perception of what your partner says and what you hear. If all you hear is criticism, you distance yourself and pull away.

A self-fulfilling prophecy, the more negative you perceive, the more negative your response, and the more negative they hear. That starts a whole chain of yuck. Try to listen and say things in a more positive tone. What you find, you can open up the lines of communication pretty rapidly.

#2 Try to take out the emotion. Since there is a superior difference between a cool and rational conversation and an emotionally charged one, when you communicate with your partner, try to take the emotions you feel out of the equation.

If you find your forms of communication are going from zero to PISSED in two minutes, it is because you allow emotion to guide you. If you have something to discuss, do it calmly and rationally. Not in the heat of the moment when upset or overwhelmed.

#3 Don’t accuse. One of the things that shuts down communication immediately is if you start to make accusations about what the other person does. Use non-confrontational language so they won’t be guarded right off the bat. And, instead of saying what they did wrong, try to explain how you feel in practical terms.

There is a good likelihood they have no idea they even did anything wrong or hurt your feelings. So, if you simply make a statement about how you feel without all the accusations that they knew what they did, the result will be much more productive and without the chase-follow pattern, or the inevitable tears.

#4 Choose the right time. If you are like most men, when you come home from work, you don’t want to talk about anything, like anything. You probably just want to sit in silence. If you are like most women, the minute you greet your husband at the end of the day, you want to chit chat about all that happened and talk things through.

Or, you save things until just before bed when your spouse is tired and just wants to go to sleep. Instead of anyone sleeping, you are in and out of bed and fighting until four am. One key ingredient in learning how to com